I recently read a blog about a man who spent his early years
attempting to pray the gay away. In the blog he explained that over the years,
when God wasn’t answering his prayer, he began to understand why. In his mind,
he believed that God didn’t take away his desire for other men because he
wasn’t seeking out a relationship with God and was only seeking out an answer
to his prayer. I can understand that thought process. God wants you to want
Him, not just what He can do for you. However, the blog said much more than
that. This “gay Christian” went on to say how God hates homosexuality and how
God is working in his life to take away his desire for men. Today, he is
finding himself “attracted” to a woman but his desire for men is still there.
The biggest difference is that his desire for men disgusts him. He has admitted
that he doesn’t know if he will ever be with a woman or if he will remain
celibate his entire life because he refuses to give into his “lust.”
This saddens me.
This man loves God, there is no doubt. This man wants to
live his life for God which is wonderful. However, I would like to ask him how
he expects to truly help God’s people if he himself is not truly happy in his
life. If he spends his entire life attempting to be something that he’s not,
how can he be truthful with others? I’m not saying that he has to be with a
man; that is his prerogative. What I am saying is this man needs to find the
happiness and joy that God intended for him to have if he really wants to live
the life God wants for him.
I’m a big believer that God doesn’t make mistakes. God
doesn’t accidentally let a baby be born with Down Syndrome no more than he allows
a child to be born with the feeling they are not in the right body or they
happen to be attracted to the same sex. God desires love and acceptance of all
His children regardless if they seem “normal” or not. God just doesn’t make
mistakes. I am NOT a mistake.
When Jesus knew that His days on earth were over He told His
disciples that He had to go so that the Holy Spirit could be with them. God
knew that was the only way He could truly lead His people. When I came into a
true relationship with God the Holy Spirit entered my heart and each day I’m
lead by God. The Holy Spirit convicts me when I do wrong and pushes me to do
the right things. Often times when I’m walking in a parking lot I’ll come
across a piece of trash on the ground. I will look at it but I usually just
keep walking and that is when the Holy Spirit nudges me in the gut and tells me
to go back and pick it up. I can choose to ignore the nudge or I can do what I
should, which I often do. God would like it if I would just stop and pick it up
to begin with which I’m working towards. The other day I noticed a couple of
elderly ladies putting groceries in their car and they were just about done
with their buggy. A thought came to me that I should go over and get their cart
for them so they wouldn’t have to walk back to the store, so I did. I didn’t do
it for any other reason but to be sweet, thoughtful and helpful to them. I
hoped in that instance with them they say the light of God in me. I thank the
Holy Spirit for prompting me to do that. I’ve often returned back to a store
because the cashier gave me too much change, all because the Holy Spirit
convicted me to avoid doing the wrong thing and sinning (Thou shall not steal).
Day in and day out the Holy Spirit works in me to make me a
better Christian. He convicts me when I’m wrong and he pushes me to do right.
Sometimes when I’m making a choice to do something big I wait to hear what the
Holy Spirit is going to tell me. I’m grateful that God is a part of my everyday
life and the way I live it.
I say all of this to because I want to take a moment and
talk about the love I have for my WIFE. Yes, I am in a same sex marriage. I
don’t label myself “gay” or “straight” I only label myself as a “child of God.”
It’s being a child of God that leads my life, not my sexual preference. Over
the years in various relationships I have felt the Holy Spirit guiding me. I
have felt God telling me that a particular relationship was wrong, no matter
how much I cared for the person. I have felt that in relationships with males
as well as with females. No matter how much it hurt, I knew that I had to get
out of that relationship if I ever wanted to have the true life that God had
planned for me. At forty years of age I never could have dreamed of the
happiness I have found. It wasn’t possible to imagine while in my crawling days
of being a Christian. But now that I am in a true relationship with God, I can
feel the right and wrongs of my relationships. My sexual relationship and
friendships across the board. When I am with my wife, I don’t feel the
prompting of the Holy Spirit to drop it like a hot potato because I’m sinning.
What I feel is joy, happiness, peacefulness and harmony. I can feel the
radiation of God’s light shining out from me. If you have ever seem Britteny
and I together there’s a good chance you have seen that light. I feel nothing
negative when I’m with her. I only feel that I am finally on the path that God
has made for me. Britteny and I are not mistakes. We are not sinners for being
together. We are soldiers in God’s army and we fight every day to show those
around us His light and His love.
You will never convince me that being with someone of the
same sex is wrong. You will never convince me that I am a mistake or that I
live in sin because I choose it. I didn’t choose to be attracted to the same
sex any more than you chose to be with the opposite sex. I hurt for those that
feel as if they are going straight to hell because of who they LOVE and they
try everything to change it. I wonder if God hurts when a child He made, in his
image, fights to be something different. Whether you were born to like the
opposite sex, the same sex or if you feel like you have the wrong anatomy, just
know that God did NOT make a mistake. Get into a deep relationship with God,
allow the Holy Spirit to lead and guide you in your daily life and LOVE like
God loves you.
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